Passionate Marriage: Sex, Love, and Intimacy in Emotionally-Committed Relationships

Published in 1998 by Owl Books (Henry Holt & Co., paperback)
Published in 1997 by W. W. Norton & Co. (hardback)

Has sex with your partner become routine and unfulfilling? Can you say just what you want in bed or let your partner really see you during an orgasm? Up until now, most therapists would recommend a few changes in technique to spice things up. But renowned sex and marital therapist David Schnarch argues in his groundbreaking new book that, while this traditional approach might jump-start arousal, it often destroys intimacy in the process.

Dr. Schnarch goes beyond simply curing sexual dysfunctions to show couples how to grow closer in their marriage. Bringing passion to your love life involves more than mood music and clever techniques. In PASSIONATE MARRIAGE: Love, Sex, and Intimacy in Emotionally Committed Relationships (Owl Books, 1998; W. W. Norton; 1997), he makes available to the general public his highly successful and untraditional approach to sex and marital therapy. He reveals how a passionate sex life requires each person to face the anxiety of defining himself/herself while getting closer to their partner, a process he calls differentiation. Differentiation involves changing the way we think about marriage: Instead of seeing it as the merging of two people into one, as has often been taught, we must learn to maintain a sense of ourselves as distinct from our partner in order to become closer to him/her. Gaining more differentiation is not easy-and Dr. Schnarch warns that any "expert" who promises Eros and intimacy in ten easy steps should not be trusted. Sexual encounters provide perfect opportunities to differentiate and develop the strength to love deeply.

Mixing humor and compassion, Dr. Schnarch describes couples' explicit sexual encounters and dramatic therapy sessions to demonstrate how they found personal, marital, and sexual fulfillment far greater than they ever dreamed possible. Every sexual exchange, from kissing to daring erotic behaviors, is a graphic picture of how you and your partner feel about yourselves and each other outside the bedroom. He goes beyond simply curing sexual dysfunctions to help people achieve their sexual potential. For some that means the jolt of "wall-socket sex" and experiences of sexual transcendence.

In this respectful, erotic, uplifting, and spiritual guide to sexual and emotional fulfillment, David Schnarch seeks to bring out the best in each of us, to help us love on life's terms, and to develop an invigorating adult sexuality.

explicit discussion of sexual behavior, practical tips, and details of couples' going through the "people-growing" crucibles inherent in emotionally committed relationships.

"Passionate Marriage is about resilience rather than damage, health rather than old wounds, intimacy and eroticism rather than techniques, and human potential rather than trauma." Dr. David Schnarch

"Books for a Better Life" Award Nominee

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